13: Robin Littel

Robin Littel would be the envy of every eight-year-old in the world if they knew she existed. She lives in Disneyland. Not just near Disneyland, but actually inside the park. She sleeps in Goofy’s bounce house, picks half-eaten corndogs out of the trashcans, and rides the rides all day.

Disneyland for Robin was a peace offering from an absentee father who would show up only long enough to teach her to tie a fisherman’s knot or beat the shit out of her, depending on how drunk he was. But Robin has learned to squeeze a supernatural amount of value out of every transaction, and so she took her one day in Disneyland and she decided to turn it into the rest of her life. There were search parties, of course, and posters, and news crews. Robin laid low behind an animatronic Heffalump in the Winnie the Pooh ride and let the search move elsewhere. She took a hair tie and pulled her red hair all the way back so she wouldn’t look like the posters.

People have always told Robin she looks a bit like goofy. She’s got the long face, and the dangling arms, and the crooked grin. She’s got a snub nose, too, and huge watery eyes. When her clothes get too dirty, she sits in the front seat on the log ride and lets the water wash over her. When she gets lonely, she rides A Small World, or Jungle Cruise. There’s a tour guide on Jungle Cruise who she’s gotten to know, probably the only staff member other than the alcoholic who maintains Goofy’s bounce house who has any idea Robin lives here. Sooner or later she’s going to have to leave. Someone’s going to call the cops, or she’s going to run out of food, or just get bored. But no matter how it all turns out, at least now she knows she can get away.

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